Friday, November 26, 2004

Damned if you do (Switch on Xmas lights in Cambridge!!!!)!!!!

Well, here's a couple of things I never expected to see in the 21st century!!!!!

  1. Xmas lights in Cambridge!!!!!!!
  2. Someone famous switching on the Xmas lights in Cambridge!!!!! (Apparently in previous years such personages included the mighty Christopher Biggins!!!!!!!!!!)
  3. A punk rock beat combo who were mainly famous a quarter of a century ago switching on the Xmas lights in Cambridge!!!!!
  4. Various members of the clergy getting hot under the collar about a punk rock beat combo who were mainly famous a quarter of a century ago switching on the Xmas lights in Cambridge!!!!!
But it's happened!!!!! Apparently some bloke from some church is a bit put out at The Damned flicking a switch because "We should not give a major function over to a group that goes out of its way to deny what Christmas is about.". Because as everybody knows, Christopher Biggins switching on a load of fancy lights signalling the onset of the busiest season in a major thoroughfare of concentrated free-market capitalism is exactly what the birth of the Baby Jesus was all about!!!!!

Crikey!!!! Just as well I kept quiet about Sidney Devine switching on the Milton Christmas Lights!!!!!! That funny woman from down the pub would have probably annoyed me for about 34 seconds!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

US economy = Jumbo Doodle!!!!!!

Well, I bet you never thought there was a connection between the global economic implication of the state of the US economy, and an extinct relative of Jumbo!!!!!

But there is!!!!! And here is the evidence!!!!!

When the US treasury secretary John Snow speaks in London tonight, he will have plenty to say about Europe's weak record on economic growth. Yet we fear Mr Snow will have too little to contribute on the mammoth US deficits in trade and public finance that have led to a faltering US dollar.

Well I never!!!! I didn't know my financial well-being was affected by the deficits of wooly mammoths!!!! Mind you, as they were big creatures, they must have done pretty large deficits!!!!!!! They must have crapped over huge areas of land!!!!!

No wonder it affects the economy!!!!! The stock market must take a bit of a hit every time a bit of prime real estate is found to have been a proto-elephantine convenience in the last Glacial period!!!!!!!

On The Road- on a Sinclair C5 on a pogo stick!!!!

Peeps who say I'm often a bit "down" on Americans are of course complete and utter cretins!!!!! I'm the first to recognise the amazing achievements of Yankie Boffinz!!!!! And here's an American story to warm the heart of your cockles!!!!!!! A bunch of folks have completed a journey across America... on Segway transporters!!!!!! Obviously going at the pace of a snail was designed to give the intrepid explorers a "true picture of America" or something!!!!!!! (As opposed to merely zapping across the continent on a Scramjet!!!!!)

Anyway, they've ended up Boston, of Tea Party fame!!!! (Which, when you think of it, is a jolly funny name, as they didn't actually drink any tea!!!!! Maybe they should have called it The "Boston Throwing The Tea Into The Sea Party", but that would be hard to fit on an invite card!!!!!!!!! But I digress!!!!!!) Anyway, as the they say on the site "... in the midst of all of this comes a lone Segway rider -- Josh Caldwell -- who will become another legendary figure in the history of the greatest city in the greatest country. Move over pilgrims..."

No doubt there will be erected in Boston, a 10ft statue in gold of a man on a unicyclical electrically power vehicle, riding into history!!!!!!! Then, when you're an old man, you can travel to Boston (Assuming it hasn't fallen into the sea!!!!!!!!) and tell all the young whippersnappers that you remember when you read about this on Senior Citizen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's like "The X Factor"- with CVs!!!!!

What would you do if you're on tha dole, and want to make a CV that really stands out?!?!?!? Well, this Frenchie chappie has set the bar somewhat, (In much the same way that Englebert Humperdink set the bar on classic pop gramophones!!!!) by doing his CV as a jolly little musical flash animation!!!!!! So now you can see a funny animation occompanied by someone who's not exactly Val Doonican singing in a funky French accent about how he started off coding in Visual Basic!!!!!!

Maybe we should wheel a laptop with this onto the "audition" bit one of those "reality" talent shows in order to see Simon Cowell's face!!!!!! It would certainly be more interesting than watching flipping Darius try his luck again!!!!!!!

Peeps asleep- on da W(e)eb!!!

The great thingy about the megmighty HyperInpho BroadPipe NetWeb CyberBlog BBSpace thingy is the amount of new things one learns about foreign cultures!!!!!!!!!! For one, I didn't know that if I were in Tokyo at night, I'd have to step over as many peeps sleeping in da street as in London Town!!!!!

However, these are not your usual tramps and layabouts!!!!!! In fact, they all dress in suits!!!!! That's because they work jolly hard during the day!!!! Yes, in fact, they're industrious Japanese office workers!!!!! So industrious, that they often take a quick involuntary "nap" on the way home to their "pad"!!!!!!!! And this fabulous w3sitey records the phenomenomenemononmeomn!!!!! And even funnier are the comments afterwards!!!!

Now this is the best reason I have to go to Japan. Sure the women are fine, but people sleeping in the streets?!?! Rock on! I can't wait to sleep in the street, I do it here all the time. People think I'm nuts. And I am.

Mind you, they eventually degenerate into the usual bunch of Americans waving their genitalia around, and then being surprised when the rest of the planet decides to kick them in the goolies!!!!!

Music unrelated to Hovis!!!!

This is interesting!!!!!! Seems some beat combo called Wilco got dropped by their record company because their thought their gramophone was bobbins!!!! Then said group streamed the disputed gramophone on da NetWeb, then when it was finally released by some other folks, it became a popular chart hit platter!!!!!

Anyway, here's an interview thingy with the wonderfully named Jeff Tweedy from said beat combo!!! Among the interesting observations in the interview include the lack of resemblence of popular music to "a loaf of bread" or a "a tennis shoe"!!!!

Blimey!!!! If the music industry can't tell the difference between a CD and Hovis, then no wonder they're in trouble!!!!! Can you imagine trusting an entire industry to people who put CDs in toasters?!?!?!?!?

Scram, jet!!!!!!! (At eleventy bazillion miles an hour!!!!!)

Hello folks!!!!!!! Have you ever wanted to go at the speed of over 9 times the speed of sound (Yes!!!!! 9 times the amount of 'elephants' it takes for the text from this screen to reach your eyeballs!!!!) in the upper atmosphere of Planet Earth on a tiny jet thingy for about 10 seconds before landing in tha briney!?!?!?!? Well, now this technology has came to pass!!!!!!

It's all thanks to a NASA "scramjet" (So-called presumably because it retires at great speed!!!!!) They didn't actually put any peeps on it, because with all the G-Force they would become like Mr Stick-Man!!!!! (And by G-Force, I of course mean, gravity, not some wacky folks in capes who battle Zoltar!!!!!) Apparently it was launched in a rocket wot is called "Pegasus"!!!!!!

Crikey!!!! I thought scientests were too scientifically minded to go in for all that astrology gubbins!!!!!!

Monday, October 25, 2004

Web Peeps Say tha darnest things!!!!

Seen on, where all those funy folks from Jerry Springer shows meet and talk about politics!

I have a REALLY dumb question; can I just burn that [downloaded video file] to a CD, or do I have to burn a DVD?

And the reply:

DVD, have already tried a CD but get sound only.


Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Blog Da Bus!!!!!

Have you ever caught an vehicular omnibus downtown to tha "big smoke" (By which I course mean London Town, not your local volcano!!!!!) and thought "Hmmmm.... I bet the peeps who read tha megamighty inphopipeway w3space will be thrilled if I write loadsa screeds and pix about this in my blogsitey!!!!!"?!?!?!?!?

Well, OK, I haven't, but this bloke does- about the really fascinating and interesting No. 73 bus!!!!

Get your end away- with a tooth!!!!!!!

Remember way back in tha olden days, I mentioned this thingie called Bluetooth!?!??!!? Well, now some bright sparks at the Independent newspaper (The one wot went tabloid size!!!) have discovered that one can use the now (finally!!!) blossoming technology to solicit mutal assignations of the extra-mural physical variety!!!! Yes, that right, you can use tha latest tech to get some good old fashioned rumpy-pumpy!!!!!!! And now loads of other people have noticed!!!! Even Wired's reporting on it, which probably means it's "dead" now!!!!!!!!

The advent of this "Toothing" lark no doubt explains the funny reactions of some to my declaration that since I discovered Bluetooth, my dongle has been in constant usage!!!!!

It's Europe's Mayday- thanks to a tortoise!!!!!

You might have dimly noticed that the funny accountant type wot runs Britannia is wanting to let the great unwashed have their say with a referendum on a new constitution for tha EU!!!!! No doubt, it'll bring out all the usual types wanting to defend Britain from a EU "monolith" which presumably wants to force hideous continental concepts like integrated public transport systems on Britain!!!!!

Well, the EU might be big at the mo, but on the 1st May, it'll get even bigger, when 10 former Eastern Bloc (You can tell they're Eastern, becuase they spell "block" funny!!!!) nations join!!!!! Among them is Lithunia, who have now got this "label" to describe their economy!!!! You know the type- smaller countries that do well with their ecomonies get called things like "the Celtic tiger", "the Nordic leopard", "the Latin hamster", "the Balkan Platypus", etc., etc., Well, apparently Lithuania is the Baltic Tortoise!!!!!!!!

Wot, like they all eat lettuce and go to sleep for 6 months up there!?!??!

Wot the f@£$!?!?!?!?

Flippin' eck!!!!! Probably says a lot that I went to Dublin for a jolly, and then I wake up and find myself in Barcelona!!!!!!! In Spain!!!!! In Europe!!!!!! In planet Earth!!!!! In tha solar system!!!!!! In the Milky way (OK, I'll stop now!!!!)!!!!! It was a bit easy to mistake the two places, because apart from the completely different geography, massively bigger size, the slightly sunnier weather, and the fact that tha locals speak in two completely different lingos to English, the two cities are completely similar!!!!! And by "lingo" I of course mean words wot you speak, not antipodean feral canines!!!!! (And I'm not just talking about their teeth either!!!!!!!)

Anyway, I'm back!!!!!!! Although I will be making an appearance in Spain again next week!!!!! And I might even write about it this time!!!!!!!

By the way, you may have noticed that Blogger now allows posts to have titles!!!!! Well, you may not have noticed, but I certainly have!!!!! And now, you can get all these super-duper posts on tha state of tha w3 on your newsie-reader thanks to a new RSS feed on this site!!!!!! Amazing or wot?!?!?!? Wot?!?!?!?!?