Blog of tha Week!!!!

Crikey!!!! The luvley organ wot you are reading was Blogger's Blog of the Week, and I didn't even notice!!!! Here's what they said:

Senior Citizen!!1

Any blog that uses the expression "petit fromage" amuses us here at Blogger HQ, and this week's BoTW, s3N10r c1T1z3N!!1, uses it with enthusiasm. From rants on Oxford students and Gnutella, to posts about a new telescope and an online cheese comparator, this "Old Fart" is a source of interesting links and even more interesting commentary. We're proud to make it our Blog of the Week!!!!!!

(If you use more !!!!, perhaps you can be BoTW too!!!!!!!!!!!)

Blimey!!!!! I'm pleased!!!!!

2001- was right!!!!!!

Remember how everyone laughed at that bit in "2001: A Space Oddessy" where that bloke goes through some space-time-warp thingymajiggy and sees stuff which is supposed to be "stellar phenomena" but looks suspiciously like slomo film of paint being mixed!??!?!?!??!?!

Well, you'll laugh on the other side of your face when you see this piccy taken by a NASA probe, of the inside bits of our galaxy!!!!!!!!!!

In fact, why not make your own 2001 "trip", by taking a few of those pictures, and showing each for about 30 seconds, accompanied by a Georgi Ligeti/Stockhausen gramophone!!!!! Or even Radiohead's "Kid A", if you're really twisted!!!!!!!!

Theburglar.com, watch out- it's Crockett and Tubbs!!!!!

Funny- just after we reported on the "novel" concept behind TheBurglar.com, Miami (Vice?!?!?) Cops have come up with a similar w3site!!!!!!! Only you can't buy the stuff, obviously!!!!!! It would be funny to see if the site plays some Jan Hammer music in MIDI format tho!!!!!!

Crap Napster Remixes- it's a new artform!!!!!

Well, when I downloaded that obviously home recorded remix of Aqua's "Barbie Girl" all those years ago, what I didn't know was that I was listening to the future of music!!!!!!! Well, at least it is according to this "interesting" article, which mentions all the "hybrid" remixes which have appeared on Napster, most of which appear to involve Britney Spears and Eminemenimineminem!!!!!! Funnily enough it's all done with the likes of Cooledit by people who call themselves DJs!!!!

Hideously inappropriate quote for Friday the 13th!!!!!!

Have you ever noticed that an optimist is always able to see the bright side of other people's troubles? [Have you also noticed that the surface of the sun is always a little bit on the warmish side??!?!?!?!]

Only joking!!!!!!!!

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Or am I?!?!?!??!?!?

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OK, I'll shut up now!!!!!!

Hello fans!!!! (Yet another flippin' editorial!!!!!)

I've received unconfirmed reports that I'm apparently "Blog of the Week" somewhere!!!! I'll check that out before I confirm it, but already it looks like Friday the 13th is being pretty lucky to me for a chang

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Woops!!!! That's never happened before!!!!!! Maybe I should check t

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Hmmmm!!!! Some server gremlins there I think!!!! Anyw

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Sorry about that folks!!!!! Hopefully normal service has been resumed and w

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OK, apolog

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Right!!!!!! I've definately got this working cracked!!!!! Where was I?!?! Oh, y

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Wot the fu

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Arrg

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Our first bit of feedback!!!!!!!!!!

Well, since we arrived on Blogger, anyway!!!!!!!!

Subject: !!!!!!!!
Date: 05 October 2000 08:56

Your use of apostrophes is very annoying.

Erm, well!!!!!!! Like that angry young rappy chappy Eminimeneminem said, that's just the way I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursdays wacky quote!!!!!

If someone can see both sides of the problem, you know that none of their money is tied up in it. [Ohhh, you cynic, you!!!!!]

So this is what MS programmers are like!!!!!

If you've ever wondered why Microsoft products have so many flipping errors in them, then the reason could possibly be that their employees spend their time paying games like Unicycle Jousting!!!!!!!!

My, wot a bunch of wacky cards they are at MS!!!!!! Just the sort of people you'd trust with NetWeb security issues, eh!!!!!!!

SwagBag- on tha NetWeb!!!!!!

Have ever been burgled, and then thought: "Hmmm... Wouldn't it be great if I could get on tha NetWeb, and contact the burglars, and get all my stuff back for a nominal fee?!??!?!?" Well, that's what you can now do thanks to a "novel" new w3site called The Burglar.com!!!!! Assuming of course the burglars in question have been considerate enough to leave your compute behind!!!!!!!!!!!!

For some extraordinary reason, Police in the UK seem to think it might be a bit of a dodgy idea!!!!!!!!!

Wot a pair!!!!!! (Ooh-err!!!)

Have you ever watched some presenter on daytime telly and thought: "Hmmm... I like to see that person in their underwear"?!??!?!?!?!? Well, to be honest, I haven't!!!!!!! Because the daytime presenters over here in the UK are not exactly oil paintings!!!!!!!! And anyway, they're all married, so they are of course quite above that kind of thing!!!!!

So it was quite a shock to see this one on tha tellybox last night!!!!! Ultra-smoothie daytime presenters Richard Madley and Judy Finnigan collected some telly awards for Most Boring Idiots In A Commerical Television Show, or some such lark!!!!!!!!! And then Judy's shirt somehow popped off to reveal a rather fetching and tasteful brassiere!!!! Not only was she not aware of the event, but neither was Richard Madley, who interpreted the screams from the crowd as a request to do his legendarily crap "impersonation" of Ali G!!!!!!!

By the time they found out, Richard promised that if they won award next year, "she will show you both of them"!!!!!! She already has, you silly man!!!!!!! And I've had quite enough of them as far as I'm concerned!!!!!!! I had to go and throw up afterwards!!!!!!!!

The Wednesday head-scratcher!!!!!

Judge each day, not by the harvest, but by the seeds you plant. [?!?!?! Answers on a postcard, please!!!!]

Secular Mythological Programming- by Anthea Turner!!!!!!!!

The great thing about tha w3 is that there's always someone on it stating the bleeding obvious!!!!!!!!!! So here's some bloke saying that, believe it or not, "Today's celebrity system represents a potent form of secular mythology."!!!!!!!!! Well, I never!!!!!! Bet this will shock those folks at "Hello!" magazine!!!!!!

But there's more- he mentions parents putting children into talent agencies, and says:

What are we left with to explain their willingness to pay thousands of dollars, other than a dream that their children may attain some tiny shred of celebrity i.e., of "being somebody?"

Wow!!!! That's news to me!!!!! And here's me thinking it was merely because the parents were complete and utter bastards!!!!!!!!!!

And how about this for an insight: "Maybe we're "programmed" to consider people we watch more important than ourselves."!!!!!! Which makes much more sense than my theory that people watch celebs on tha telly because their bums are superglued to the sofa!!!!!!!!!

No flies on this dude!!!!! I can't wait for his "satire" and "analysis" on the possibility that rain could be a little wet!!!!!!

Nosferatu- the crappy kids toy!!!!!

When you're as ancient as I am, you'll probably know what a long history there is of TV/film merchandising where the "action figures" bear absolutely zero resemblence to the characters they're supposed to represent!!!! For example, the Tom Baker "Doctor Who" figure which looks more like Gareth Hunt of the New Avengers gone to Ascot!!!!!!! Or the recently "re-released" Luke Skywalker, which looked more Conan the Judo Instructor!!!!!!!!

So you'll no doubt be glad to know that there's completely unconvincing action figures even for ancient movies such as "Nosferatu", which were made even before there were talkies!!!!!!! The range is called "screamers"- probably named after the reaction of any sensible person when they realise how little resemblence they bear to the movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seven Wonders of the world- on tha NetWeb!!!!

Hello fans!!!!!!!! Have you ever wanted to take a trip to the Hanging Gardens of Babylon?!?!?!? Or trek up to the top of the Tower of Babel!?!?!?! Or even fly around the Colossus of Rhodes?!?!?!? (Although I suspect this Rhodes dude has it pretty puny- compared to my "colossus" anyway!!!!!!!)

Well, you might have a slight problem acheiving such a holiday objective, given the current non-existance of the above in any appreciable fashion!!!!! However, thanks to tha w3 inphoway-highpipe you can now solve this somewhat awkward predicament to your mutual advantage without having to entail the significant pecuniary deficit-enchancing scenario of having to manually construct the bloody things yourself!!!!!!!

Say hello to The Seven Wonders of the World- in VR format!!!!!!!! They even chuck in 3 extra "wonders" to make it up to ten!!!! Well, obviously they didn't chuck them in literally!!!!! I mean, if someone literally threw Stonehenge at you, you would have to execute some pretty fancy footwork in order to avoid getting slightly bruised by the imminent landing of a large collection of rather weighty ancient architecture!!!!!!!!

Tha Tuesday oddball quotee!!!!!

You can't blame nudists for being the way they are. They were born that way!

Old Fartette whinges about indie losers!!!!

Ahh... Now we need more people like this!!!! Check out this luvley w3site called "I Hate Music" to see some venerable rants about young whippersnappers by a mature lady who seems not unlike me in terms of "spunky" attitude!!!!!!!!!

[Radiohead's "Kid A"] sounds like a crap IDM record, obviously. A really, really, crap one, with electronic tones in every shade of grey and Thom Yorke, Crown Prince Twat of the Royal House of Twat, moaning over the top of it. "Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon" he begins. And today you wake up selling a lemon: congratulations. And, oh of course the band try their hand at free jazz (still the surest sign of wankerdom ever devised - when oh when will bands learn that free jazz is called so because no fucker would buy it).

Flash: Bwahahahaha!!!!!

U-no, when I'm surfing tha megamighty NetWeb, I often think: "Hmmm... It's about time I went to a site where I have to download a big Flash jobbie which sucks up all my bandwidth so that it can throw it's counter-intuitive navigation around the screen in hideous animated globules!!!!"

So it warms my old cockles to read the following in this article:

Foolish designers! Did you really think your pitiful HTML could stand up to my onslaught? And you- wretched coders, huddling at your desks- did you think I would abide by your specs? Bah! I wipe myself with your white papers.

Yes, it's Flash- cast as Satan, by some really unimaginative "Flasher"!!!!! (!!! Ooh-er!!!!! Oh crikey Vicar!!!!! etc)

Put a Dodo- in your uterus!!!!!!!

Well, what with the expansion of this genetic modification lark to human peeps, there's a lot of whiffy talk about "designer babies" and whatnot!!!!! But this really takes the biscuit!!!!!! How about a designer baby- that used to be extinct!!??!?!?!?

Well, that's what's happened- to a complete cow!!!!!! Erm, of the bovine variety of course!!!! Thanks to the wonderful world of genetix, it's giving birth to an endangered species of oxen!!!!!!! Bet it's going to be a littlle surprised!!!!!!!

"It's not science fiction. It's real" said some bloke.

Narnia- on tha NetWeb!!!!!!

Hello!!! Have you ever wanted to know what it's like to live in a country where it's always winter, and never Christmas?!?!??! Well, living in Scotland, I've got a good idea of what it's like!!!!!!! OK then, apart from the "never Xmas" bit!!!!! Mind you, given the crap Xmas pressies I usually get, it's a close thing!!!!! Harumph!!!!!!!!!

Ahem, anyway!!!!! Wouldn't it be really great if a big lion could come along and get rid of it?!?!??!?! I am of course not really talking about Scotland here, but Narnia, where that interminable series of CS Lewis books is set!!!!!!!!! Now you can visit it without even having to jump through the back of a wardrobe or something stupid!!!!!!!! Unless of course, the back of the wardrobe has a connection to tha megamighty inphopipeway of tha w3Sphere!!!!!!!!

That's because there's now a spiffy Narnia w3site!!!!!!!! Well, spiffy if you like that sorta thingy anyway!!!!!!!

Life existed on Mars- according to ancient UK newspaper!!!!!!

Well, this is the impression one might get from the headline of this article about terraforming Mars from the long-running UK broadsheet the Daily Telegraph, titled: "How Man can breathe life back into Mars"!!!!!!!

Back into Mars??!?!!?! Crikey!!!!!! Does the Telegraph know something we don't?!?!?!?!?!

Monday rather topical quote!!!!!

A successful politician is one who can stay in the public eye without irritating it.

Anti-pot = Beaker!??!?!?!

Is it me, or does the glamorous would-be spliff-buster politician Anne Widdlecome not bear more than a striking resemblence to a certain character from the Muppets?!?!?!?