Wednesday, September 10, 2003

A Fart In Dublin- Number Two!!!!!!!!!!

Now I'm back on da keys!!!!!! By which I of course mean the computer keyboard in a net cafe, and not a Bontempi organ as you may think!!!!!!

Anyway- first day in Dublin, and I've noticed that it's exactly like sunny Glasgow, only with 3 important differences!!!!!!!

  1. They use euros instead of squids!!!!!!
  2. It's more expensive!!!!!!
    I don't this has much to do with the euros tho!!!!!! Apparently it's got something to do with the economy of Ireland in the 1990s and a "Celtic Tiger"!!!!!!! Tho wot a football team supporting big cat has to do with anything on the economic front is anyone's guess!!!!!! Anyway, I didn't know Celtic had a tiger- I always thought they had a bunch of lions instead!!!!!
  3. A lot more folk from the Orient!!!! (And I'm not talking about Leighton orient either!!!!!!!) I'm talking about the Occident, which is of course the east of the globe, and not the oil company whose oil rig blew up as you may think!!!!!
    (NB- In case anyone thinks I'm being 'down' on Chinamen:
    1. I'm not!!!!! In fact I think it's a jolly good thing!!!! And all you Daily Mail types who disagree might want to remind yourselves who invented your cup of tea, or for that matter, the paper wot your, er, paper is written on!!!!!!!
    2. They're not all Chinamen anyway!!!! In fact, there's a lot of folk from Japan, Korea, and Thailand as well!!!!
    3. And I'm not down on them either!!!!! In fact, I was talking to a jolly nice chap whose parents came over from Thailand, and he recommended which Thai restaurants were the best to go to, and which ones to avoid because they were "f'k'n'shoite!!!!!!!!!", as they say in Dublin!!!!!!
    So there!!!!!!)

Er, where was I!??!?! Oh yes, I noticed another interesting thing- the belisha beacons on the pelican crossings have some rather interesting sound f/x on them!!!!! Initially it makes some periodic beeping noise, and then when the "green man" appears suddenly you get this enormous squelching noise, and then it plays a gabber tune!!!!!!!!

But wait, there's more!!!!! They've got a couple of statues about the place, and people give them silly names!!!!!! For example, the status of James Joyce is known as "The Prick with the Stick"!!!!! The one of Oscar Wilde is known as "The Fag on the Crag"!!!!!! The statues of Molly Malone is known as "The Tart with the Cart"!!!!!!! I haven't noticed if there's a "Ploppy on a Jalopy" yet, but I'm keeping my eyes pealed!!!!!

Here's another thing I've noticed!!!!! Bus tickets!!!!!! They have this thing where you can get one of those bus tickets that last for a few days, and then you get on tha omnibus, and put your ticket in a funny mechanical thingy which reads your ticket, and then you can get on!!!!!! Now, you might be asking at this point, wot are the Irish doing with all this hitech malarkey!??!?! Why can't they just let some grumpy old curmudgeon in the driver's seat decide in his infinite wisdom whether he likes your face or not?!?!?!? Well, maybe this has something to do with the fact the grumpy old curmudgeon would be taking his chances with the peeps who get on the omnibus later at night, thanks to another difference I've noticed- they've got more "liberal" drinking laws!!!!! By which I of course mean that you can get your Guiness later than 10:30pm!!!!! Not that the drinking laws think George W Bush might be slightly less than divine!!!!!!! That would be really pointless!!!!!!! But not as pointless as some person called Ann Coulter (Who I gather is a bit of a "Glenda Slagg" type, but because it's America, she's hailed as a genius!!!!") going on about the drinking laws being "treasonous", but perhaps we're getting off the beaten track now!!!!! Anyway!!!!! Thanks to those licensing laws, after being chucked out of tha net cafe last night, I was able to try my first "proper" pint of Guiness in a Dublin pub!!!! And, yes, it is better than outside Ireland!!!!! Only one prob tho- I still think it's undrinkable rubish!!!! Bleeeuurrrrghhhh!!!!!

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

A Fart In Dublin!!!! - Part 1!!!!!!!

Hello peeps from the city of Dublin!!!!!!!!! In the Republic of Ireland!!!!!!! If you don't know where that is, Old Fart 2 da rescue!!!!! Just take a world map, and search with a suitably ginormus looking glass for the little tiddly spots on the map marked "Great Britain"!!!!!!! The Republic of Ireland's in the little tiddly spot to the left!!!!! Well, the one that's not the Isle of Man!!!!!!!! Anyways, I'm in this jolly little net cafe in Grafton Street, as seen on this jolly useful map, typing in this crap!!!!!!!

Or rather, I would, because I'm now being told to get out because it's late and the owners want to go to bed!!!!!!! Bah!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well, C U (!!!!) 2morrow!!!!!!!!