Friday, September 29, 2000

Thurday's quote du jour!!!!!

Compromise is always wrong when it means sacrificing a principle. [Wot if that principle is to be as big a "pillock" as possible?!??!?!]

Get your fakemail here!!!!!!

If you go to this page, you get this blurb:

Send your internet e-mail now! No accounts, no logins, no passwords! Just fill in the form below and press the SEND IT button.

... And then a form, where you can fill out the destination email addr and message, as well, as the source email addr!!!!!!

So, in other words, you can send fakemail from this form!!!!!!! And there's no checks on it!!!!!!!

Altogether now: What a bunch of class A-1 divvies!!!!!!!!!

Killer Cowpats!!!!!!

Never mind death by LSD flashback, I think death by cowpats sounds much more unpleasant if you ask me!!!!!!!! But according to this article, it's possible!!!!!!!!

"The treated mains public supply is safe, but some private supplies could be contaminated upstream by, say, a sheep."

Death by sheep?!?!?!? That sounds even worse!!!!!!!! Yuk!!!!!!!!!!!

Hellish comic- literally!!!! (Almost!!!!)

That funny little man from the Western Isles wot does stuff for the Glasgow Herald was complaining recently that no-one apparently takes Hell that seriously these days!!!!! Well, he obviously hasn't seen stuff like this little beauty, in which Hell is a company boardroom, the Devil is a Commander Riker lookalike with ridiculous Batman cape, and likes watching "Bewitched"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's even more amazing is that it's done by evangelical Christians!!!!!!!!!

BTW I didn't know you could die from just an LSD flashback!!!! And where did all those bandages on her face come from if it was all just a flashback?!?!?!?!?!? And what's all this nonsense about "one world govermment" and "ecumenical movement" stuff at the start all about?!?!??!?!

If you ask me, the real question is what stuff the comic artist was on when he did this!!!!!!!!!!

Ye Olde Farte- the benevolent ruler!!!!!!!

Have you ever wondered what you would be if you got all "Medieval"?!?!?! Well, now you can find out, using this spiffy site, which works out your Medieval Personality Type!!!!!!!!

Apparently, if time went back a millenium, I would be a "Benevolent Ruler"!!!!!!

Your distinct personality, The Benevolent Ruler might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You are the idealistic social dreamer. Your overriding goal is to solve the people problems of your world. You are a social reformer who wants everyone to be happy in a world that you can visualize. You are exceptionally perceptive about the woes and needs of humankind. You often have the understanding and skill to readily conceive and implement the solutions to your perceptions. On the positive side, you are creatively persuasive, charismatic and ideologically concerned. On the negative side, you may be unrealistically sentimental, scattered and impulsive, as well as deviously manipulative. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

"Unrealistically sentimental"?!?!?!?!?! Me?!?!?!?!! Pah!!!!!!!!!!

How not to censor a document!!!!!!

U-no, in ye olde days, you used to get de-classified documents in the form of a crappy photocopy with various bits blanked out by big black marker pens to "protect the innocent", or whatever crap excuse they used at the time!!!!!!!! So, when a US goverment decided to release a report where the names has to be censored out, they obviously thought it would be "cool" and "hip" to do something similar!!!!!!!

Only one prob- they released it in Adobe PDF format, and did the "blanking out" by putting "blank" squares on the names!!!!!!!!!!! So, all you needed to do was to edit the PDF file to remove the "blanks", and there were the names!!!!!!!!!!

Bit dim, huh?!?!?!? But then this is the US government we're talking about here!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 28, 2000

2001: "Boring"!!!!!!!!!

Now this is an interesting film reviews site!!!!!!!!! None of the usual pseudy review stuff about what the placement of a coffee cup in a particular scene means about the empty materialistic Western capitalist system, or whatever it is they talk about these days!!!!!!! Nope, in I Hate Films, you get concise reviews about why Taxi Driver was crap because the taxi drive in question didn't keep his eyes on the road!!!!!! Or why the Sixth Sense was a load of rubbish because the "twist" was pretty obvious in the first place!!!!!!!!! Mind you, I especially like the review of The Seventh Seal, but I don't think I'll spoil that one for you!!!!

Wednesday's corny quote!!!!!

To be a good speaker in public you must be a good thinker in private. [Unless of course you have a good speech-writer!!!!!!]

Winter of Discontent- on tha NetWeb!!!!!!!!!

Ahh... Doesn't it give you a warm feeling in your cockles!!!! In the UK, some fuel protester are wanting to take us back to the good old days of zillions of strikes, rubbish being uncollected, dead being unburied, dogs howling, slaughter of the first born, terrible sideburns, etc., etc., ...

Yep, it looks like some are planning a re-run of the 1979 Winter of Discontent!!!!! (Funny how you don't see any of this represented at any of those cheesy "70s" club nights, isn't it!!!!!!! Maybe they should have about 10 minutes during the night where the DJ goes on "strike"!!!!!!!!! Then the bar staff do "secondary picketing" or something!!!!! They're usually very good at "picketing" their nostrils so it should be second nature!!!!!!!!

Ahem anyway!!!!! There is one important difference!!!! This time it might happen on tha NetWeb as well!!!!

It's all thanks to our old friend Herbless- who has improved his design skills a little since last time!!!! On his latest hack, he calls for politically motivated hacking of UK webbysites. Tho I notice in his "Things to keep in mind" section, he doesn't say: "Use a decent design!!!!! Black text on a dark red background is very hard to read!!!!!!!!"!!!!!!!!

The banner at the top of this page is a complete failure!!!!

You see that ad banner at the top of this page?!??!?!?! According to some boffin at a German technoconference, you didn't!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, this article describes the hilarious speech made by one Jason McCabe Calacanis!!!!! Check these classics out!!!!!!!!!

"We standardized a failed concept. That's how stupid we are in the Internet industry"

Speak for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been involved with tha NetWeb since ninteen-canteen, and I think banner ads are a failed concept!!!!!!!! Mind you I think all ads are a failed concept!!!!!!!! And I'm a bit of a brainbox as well.

"We have to come up with a form of advertising on the Internet that's disruptive"

That's wot we all need!!!! I'm typing in some sonnet on tha inphopipeway highweb and halfway through the editor stops and trys to sell me shampoo!??!??!?!?! I think we've learned from those annoying pop-up ad pages, that peeps who surf da w3 do not like "disruptive" ads blocking their surfage!!!!!!!

He also asks people to stop copying US sites and do more uniquely European ones:

"Make Legos, for God's sake"

!!!!!!! I think this last one explains a lot!!!!!!!!

Oxford students- they're cheats!!!!!!!

Well, now we know why so many people from Oxbridge are complete idiots!!!!!!!!!! Not only should we blame the "old boy network" (Which I notice misses out "old boys" such as myself- presumably because of my massive intellect!!!!!!!) but it's also the fault of "cheat-em-up" NetWeb sitez like the one described in this story!!!!! It's called "", although a much better title might be ""!!!!!! One of the young whippersnappers in change says:

Exams are a fight. It's us against them. If they don't catch us, we win. If they do, well...

... Presumably you get "ragged" in the "dorm" by the "head boy", or whatever it is they do in these antiquated higher educational establishments!!!!!!!!

Dunno why this story is in the Asia News section of Yahoo tho!!!! Maybe they think Oxford students don't look there!!!!! Which is a bit dim really, because if I can find a hidden away news article like this, then anyone can!!!!!!! And it's not really hidden away if you're from Asia and regularly read the news section!!!!!!!!!!

Control your TV- from tha W3!!!!

After reading tonz of guffola written by various webhedz about how tha megamighty NetWeb is going to make changes to our craniums and make our society a mirror image of a San Francisco coffee bar wonderland, it's a nice to read an article about something a bit more practical in terms of new technologies!!!!!!!!! Like remote controls 4 tha tellybox!!!!!!!!!!

Now, there was I time when I was less impressed with these objects, you know!!!!!!!!! Especially in the 70s, when people would make me sit down in front of their tellyboxes, fiddle around with their remotes, and say: "Oh look!!! The tellys changing channels by itself!!!!!! How is it doing that??!?!?!"!!!!! And I would say: "Your TV is possessed by poltergeists!!!!!!!! Either that or it's the great big plastic brick-sized control thingy you're currently fiddling around with, which is connected to the tellybox by a whooping great big long wire!!!!!!!!" They usually weren't "best pleased"!!!!!! Especially when I "exorcised" their tellyboxes by disconnecting the "remote", and added: "It appears to be back to normal now!!!! It must have been a poltergiest after all!!!!!!!!"!!!!!!

So- it's a bit better now!!!!!! But now there's a different prob with remotes- remembering where you left the flippin' thing!!!!!!!!! It's even worse if you have seperate "doo-flickers" for tha tellybox, videogram, gramophone, wireless, and microwavey!!!!!! I wouldn't want to subject the neighbours to a blast of gool ol' Wu Tang, and find instead I've set the microwavey to boil my Ovaltine!!!!!!!!

Well, this spiffy article tells all about how all the "doin's" of the "doofer" might be integrated in a digital watch or a cellphone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently a lot of this stuff hinges around a technology called Bluetooth- tho wot Shane MacGowan of The Pogues has to do with protocols describing wireless cross-communication between consumer appliances is anyone's guess!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Only prob- how are you going to fit all those buttons on a mobile phone pad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pause for a little thought...

Doesn't "Cheeky Chappy" Craig from the UK Big Brother look like a creation of Aardman Animations?!?!?!?!?

Bright Eyes- literally!!!

Imagine if that completely unreadable "novel" Watership Down was set right next to a nuclear reprocessing plant!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, this extraordinary lupine creature would fit right in!!!!!!!! That's because it's a Fluorescent Bunny!!!!!!

Apparently this is supposed to be some sort of "art" statment on genetic modification!!!!!!!!!!!! Which can be a bit pants, if you ask me!!!!!!!! I mean, what if some parents decide to put, as an "ironic" art statement, the words "You're a dolt!!!!!!!" on their kids forehead?!?!?!?!?! He'd have to go around wearing a picture frame around his head- or people would punch him in the face!!!!!!!!!!

Dunno about you, but this might possibly have an effect on his personality as mature adult!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Wot do you mean "Aren't lupines a type of flower!?!?!?!"!!!!!!!!!!)

Tuesday, September 26, 2000

Tuesday's absolute cracker!!!!!

What this world needs is fewer rules and more good examples. [Like me!!!!!!!]

Wacky beat combo in wacky MP3 stunt!!!!

My, aren't Barenaked Ladies a really really wacky band?!?!??! Not content with fooling people using their really "risque" name, they're now fooling peeps in Napster with their "goofy" MP3 antics!!!!!!

Loads of people have been downloading what appeared to be new BNL traxxkz, (doesn't that sound like a railway entrance to a nuclear power station?!??!?!) only to find they cut off part way through for adverts for the new album!!!!!!!!!! "Although you thought you were downloading our new single, what you actually were downloading is an advertisement for our new album." says one!!!!!

Of course, you know wot this means!!!!!!!!! Some porno "kingpin" is going to use the same trick, and cut off a Barenaked Ladies MP3 halfway thru to advertise a porno website!!!!!! You can imagine it spreading to other groups as well!!!!!!!!! Bush and Hole watch out!!!!!!! Bet Courtney Love won't be too pleased with Napster if that happens!!!!!!!!!!!

Holiday Monday's "interesting" pearl of wisdom!!!!!

Luck always seems to be aginst those who depend on it. [Which probably sums up Scotland's World Cup chances ATM!!!!!]

WYSIWYG- you're dead!!!!!!!

Flippin' 'eck- I should have seen this one coming!!!!!! The warning signs were all there- I mean, Chumbawumba named their last album after it!!!!! So, it must have been on it's last legs!!!!!!!!!

I am of course talking about WSYIWYG!!!!!!! It's supposed to be dead, according to this little page!!!!!! Mind you, it is plugging some commercial softs!!!!!!

Apparently structured documents using stuffs like XML are coming more to the fore, but the editors haven't been that much up to scratch!!!!!!! But this bunch are pushing Conglomerate, which is apparently like a "Word" of XML editors- but don't let that put you off!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Er, hang on- doesn't that make it a WYSIWIYG editor of non-WSYIWYG docfiles?!?!?!?!?!

Do a circuit- with Jeans!!!!!!!!

Well, not really!!!!!! More like a circuit with genes!!!!! Actually, it's not quite genes, but the bit of genes wot is called DNA!!!!!!! Apparently you'll soon be able to make circuits from DNA "wires"!!!!!!!!!!

Not bad going for a Double Helix!!!!!! (Hang on, doesn't that sound like the title of an episode for Star Trek: Voyager?!?!??!?!?!?)

Boffin speaks out- on logs!!!!

Seems like everyone's laying a log in public these days!!!!!!! I've been doing it for a long time now!!!!! However, not all public "doing" of logs is the same!!!!!
U C (!!!!), there are some who do small little logs, (or "toaty wee wans", as we say around these parts!!!!!!) and others who do reallly big ones!!!!! There are also those who do their own logs, and those who recycle other peoples logs!!!!!!!!!

I am of course talking about weblogs!!!!!!!! Why- what do you think I was talking about, then?!?!??!?!?!? Anyway, some person has noticed the burgeoning phenonenomenonemon that is w3Logz!!!!! And has wrote this spiffy little article about it!!!!!

Actually, I think I know how the 1st para could be read!!!!!! Euuurrrrggghhhh!!!!! Bllllleeeeuuuurrrrggghhhh!!!!! Yeeeeeuuuurrrggghhhh!!!!! Grrrrrooooooo!!!!! Spit!!!!!! Spit!!!!!! Yuk!!!!! Croak.

Monday, September 25, 2000

The weekend crappy quotee!!!

A diplomat remembers a lady's birthday, but forgets her age. [They're not so diplomatic with a bloke like me tho!!!!]

Gnutella- is crapola!!!!

U-no, I once had a go a this Gnutella thingy, and tried to find that classic pop song "Grandad" by Clive Dunn in Mpeggy format!!!!!!! It was a load of unuseable shit!!!!!!!!!!! It spent forever contacting other computers and reporting back their directories!!!!! And most of them were empty because nearly everyone was just interested in just downloading!!!!! I had trouble even finding mp3s, never mind anything that wasn't flipping Limp Bizkit!!!!!!!!!

So it's no surprise to read that someone else is not-too-impressed with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Newstrolls must like us!!!!!

Hey!! I've just noticed this one on the very lovely Newstrolls!!!!!

An Introduction to Computer Vision. Just imagine. It's monday morning, you're feeling awful from a long weekend. You turn on your computer to get the day rolling. It's says "Good morning Hackworth, you have a zit on the side of your nose!", well the technology could exist for that to happen!

Hey!!!! That just reads like one of our items!!!!! They must be avid readers of our site!!!!!